Josh Already Picks Up on the Theme of 2009, or Josh Changes the Format to his Blog Titles

We're only three days deep into this 2009 bitch,* yet already, a theme has emerged:

The Date: August 8th, 2009
The event: The wedding of Andrea Carson and Peter Osswoski
The Relation to Me: I'm Andrea's cousin, haven been all my life. I was alerted to my plans for the eighth day of August in the year twenty 'aught nine a year before the day was to happen. My plans are simply this: Be the drunken cousin that attends this joyous union, drink everything that I can, hit on as many bridesmaids and/or single ladies (They'll be easy to spot, as Beyonce orders them to put their hands up) because they're twenty-three, pass out and/or puke on someone that can direct me up into my hotel room.

The Date: January 15th, 2009 ongoing through every weekend until question mark.
The event: The fictional wedding of my fictional best friend Anthony Nunzio to his fictional sweetheart Valentina Vitale.
The Relation to Me: I'm the fictional best man, Barry Wheeler, alongside my nine-month preggo maid of honor, Connie. My duties are various and entertaining and tickets to said event can be ordered at www.actorsmn.org and this wedding will forever change your life.**

The Date: October 10th, 2009
The event: The wedding of Jacob Carson and Destiny Anderson
The Relation to Me: Jake's my brother! You can tell because whenever I see him, I say "Hey brother!" Ergo, instead of being paid to a pretend best man, I'm going to be using all my pretend Best-Man money to be a real best man. Yay!
The Jokes I Plan To Use In My Toast Regarding Jake's Fiance's Name: "I knew this wedding was going to happen. I mean, after all, it was destiny." "If you guys ever have a kid, we can call it Destiny's child." "Jake and Destiny are each others density. I mean, destiny!" (I encourage you to come up with your own that I will later steal.)
The Irrational Reaction: Notice anything about that date? It's around the same time as Joshtober Fest 30, which we all know is the Joshtober Fest that's going to take us to Vegas or some exotic port of call. Has anyone seen my thunder? I have reason to believe that it's been STOLEN!

The Date: January 9th, 2009
The event: The dual weddings of former best Friends Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, whom accidentally book their weddings on the same day at both girls dream venue. The brides are currently at war with one another, engaging with cruel pranks that are supposedly funny to everyone who isn't them. Though they hate each other now, early speculation leads us to believe they will eventually learn lessons that'll make them better people, and then dance during the credits.
The Relation to Me: None. Avoidance as if it were to give me some sort of mutant AIDS. Although, at least every teenage girl in the country is learning that the only thing that they should ever desire is to have a wedding, regardless of happiness or partner.

*Maybe by the time you read this, it's the fourth or fifth day. And instead of a bitch, maybe it's an effeminate dude.
** Better get used to me plugging this show every chance I get.