Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Josh Launches Apartment Hunt '09

My time in the in 1986 Apartment is nearing its end. True there was a brief flirtation with escape back in December, but then Minnesota couldn't choose a senator, which somehow effected my living situation. (Growing up, I always knew that Stuart Smalley would somehow f me over.) However, come May 31st, BatShit Crazy moves back in for two months before she dupes another poor soul into paying to house sit for her.

And thus, Apartment Hunt '09 has launched. Apartment Hunt '08 was conducted a bit hastily, hence a land-lady who lets herself in whenever she wants, suggests I sleep in a hammock instead of a bed, and makes me read her mail, so in order to remedy the next nine-months to a year of my life, I'm gonna' lay out some ground rules:

  • While I do love Uptown, I think my time here has come to an end. Uptown tenants thrive on either being edgy and non-conformist, or desperately pretending to be edgy and non-conformist. Ergo, they don't go to bed ever. Also, they steal my mail. I may just be basing this off of my downstairs neighbors who don't go to bed, and steal my mail. (Turns out, this was sanctioned by BatShit Crazy when she thought either I, or the post office themselves, were stealing her mail. None of this was resolved through conversation) (And don't worry, I got my revenge on the downstairs neighbors by accidentally breaking into their place twice, once while they were in their underwear. Which was probably made of hemp.) Anyhow, I like quiet. I'm old damn it. I can't take rock and rolling all night, but I like partying everyday. I just want it to stop at seven or eight. Hello St. Paul!
  • I think I need to have a roommate. A roommate makes me (somewhat) accountable. Because if there's no one around, I'm very happy to set shop in my own mess, and have been know to forge pillows and beanbag-ish chairs out of dirty laundry I take off and leave on the floor whenever I feel like it. You know that song "Someone to Watch Over Me?" I think while it's primarily sung by females, it's really about males. Specifically me. I think Gershwin at one point knew that Josh Carson would exist, and he'd be "Not Great" at it.
  • Money's a little tight. I don't know how that happened.

    CUT BACK TO AUGUST OF 2008
JOSH: I know! I'll go back to acting!!!

CUT BACK TO 2009:

JOSH: What is plasma? Do you need plasma? I'm pretty sure you don't need plasma.

Mainly I'm writing this missive to ask you sexy readers a questions: What has two thumbs and needs a room for about 650-700 in the Uptown-ish area -- maybe Linden Hills, maybe Nokomis -- by June 1st? THIS GUY!

Also, if you own a building and I call you to rent in that building, I want to rent in that specific building. I don't want to live on Dupont. No one wants to live on Dupont! Ask anyone living on Dupont what's the best part about living on Dupont, and they'll say "Knowing one day I'll no longer be living on Dupont."

2 comments:

Jason said...

Actually, I lived on Dupont and it was one of the coolest places I've lived. Dupont and 26th, 3 blocks from BNW. An office below us, a restaurant manager above us. We had rock concerts in our living room, no joke.

Fred said...

I'm guessing you've been talking to Joyce, Hetz' and my old landlady at Dupont Villa. Of course, I called her in 2002 to ask about Dupont, and she told me about Hennepin.